A few weeks ago, I concluded a sermon series out of Proverbs, with a sermon on anger management. (The book of Proverbs has a lot to say about this subject). In all truth, the whole time I was preparing it and delivering it – I kind of felt like “Dr. Phil”. I was fearful it was too practical; the response from the congregation seemed “flat” – but what I discovered afterwards was that the congregation was drinking in every word. I have had more comments about that message than I have about other messages in a long time. Obviously God knew what we needed to be talking about and the precious Holy Spirit hit that message home to the heart of many individuals.
At another function, outside of the church later that week, someone approached me regarding that message and their discussion caused me to think that others may benefit from the response I gave. So I thought I would share the exchange:
This individual said to me: Pastor, was I the only one in the room Sunday? I felt like you were speaking directly at me. When you mentioned that most all of us are either like a “skunk” or a “turtle” with our anger – it hit me square in the face. I find myself telling my boys, ‘do this, do this’, but after about the 3rd or 4rth time, I just blow up because I am so frustrated at them. And then when you mentioned that anger is a learned response, in horror I thought to myself, what am I teaching my boys. I really struggle with this.
The conversation that ensued may offer a practical suggestion to all of us who struggle with this issue with our children – because it is indeed a very common scenario. My suggestion was as follows: What you just described is perhaps more of a LISTENING problem than an ANGER issue. This methodology is teaching your boys to not pay attention to you, UNTIL you blow up. My suggestion would be that you speak in your normal tones, give them a couple of opportunities to catch it (in other words – it is okay, given their ages, to repeat demands and expectations a couple of times) but then – without blowing up, take away certain privileges from them. When they question as to why they lost those privileges – explain to them that you told them to do something 2 or 3 times, but because they did not obey these loss of privileges are the consequences. They will fuss about how they never heard you say that, but if you consistently take away privileges that get their attention (without blowing up) you will teach them to LISTEN more closely when Mom speaks, and keep your blood pressure down at the same time. It will also be teaching your boys that every decision or indecision carries consequences with it.
That was just a practical suggestion that I thought I would pass along from “Pastor Phil” … isn’t it wonderful how the Word of God is always so applicable to our everyday lives ?!
